How to win gold in 2010
February 22, 2006
From Scott Feschuk’s blog:
Top 10 Ways to Ensure We Win Gold in 2010
10. I don’t know — maybe pick a few guys who can skate faster than Eeyore?
9. Instead of a loonie at centre ice, bury that Ovechkin fellow.
8. Each player on the roster gets a complimentary Chinese grandfather and double-double from Tim’s.
7. Here’s a good rule of thumb: the combined age of any given line should never exceed infinity.
6. No Leafs coaches (psst, maybe you haven’t noticed but they’re a little bit jinxed!).
5. Does Lebron James play hockey? Does he want to be Canadian?
4. Let’s just say that a little Motorhead might get played outside the Russian dorm between 1 and 5 a.m. on the morning of the medal round.
3. Enlist Canada’s leading scientists to build a machine capable of transforming each sycophantic remark uttered by Ron MacLean into a defenceman who can actually move the puck.
2. Convince the sport’s governing body to replace the mesh inside each net with a sign that reads: “The puck goes in here! Remember?!”
And the No. 1 way to ensure we win gold in 2010:
Cassie Campbell, a bushy black moustache and a little “look the other way” money for the kind folks at the IOC.
QFT.
